THE 6 WORST THINGS ABOUT EXPECTING A ROYAL BABY

Being a princess isn't all royal tours and jubilees. Once you've been commanded to produce an heir, the pressures really start to pile up...

1: People wanting to touch your tummy. It's bad enough having to shake hands on those royal walk-abouts. Those yobbos need to learn about personal space.

2: Crowning. This is something that happens just as you're about to give birth. Quite painful apparently. Now imagine it with a real crown involved.

3: Names. Always tricky - even more so for a future monarch. Music and movies are often big influences here, so Prince Bilbo for a boy? If it's a girl, I'm thinking Gaga. We already have a Lady called that, so we know it works with a title. Princess Gaga could also be the first baby in history to say her own name as her first words.

4: Kate's boobs. Come on, we've all been thinking about them. Breast or bottle, I mean. What were YOU on about?

5: The red hair threat. Imagine if it comes out a ginga. After all, it happened with it's uncle.

6: Having to deal with not looking like a stick insect for a few months. It must be just awful to be that skinny, then suddenly not be skinny. I don't even want to think about it. Luckily, I'll never have to.