MY 6 FAVOURITE TALKBACK CLICHES

When you work in talk radio, it doesn't take long to pick up on a few tried and true chestnuts many callers seem obliged to repeat. Take note, if you want to sound like a pro, these are the old standards...

 1: "First time caller, long time listener." So how do you know how to say that then?

2: "I'm not racist, but..." This always, ALWAYS means what you are about to say is really, really racist.

3: "Some of my best friends are gay." Even if this is true, (and it probably isn't) it won't be true once that caller's alleged gay friends hear whatever comes next. It's likely to be something so blatantly homophobic, it'll take their fabulous breath away.

4: "What are we talking about tonight?" Yes, that's right. Some of a callers are so talented, they can voice a considered opinion about anything - even if they've only heard what it is once the host puts them to air. Kudos.

5: "But that's not what I rang about." In spite of the fact they've just been talking about something for 10 minutes without pausing for breath, they weren't yet talking about what they rang to talk about. Impressive.

6: "Snoring." This is usually a midnight to dawn thing. Usually it's the callers who fall asleep on air, sometimes the host. That always makes for riveting radio.