6 WAYS TO AVOID SINKHOLES

Since a man and his bedroom disappeared down a Florida sinkhole last weekend, obviously we've all been concerned about how we can avoid the same thing happening to us. If you've been watching 11ish this week, you may have already heard some of my suggestions, but for a matter of public safety like this, I think they're worth repeating...

1: Sleep Spreadeagled. Basically, the more body surface you can create, the less likely you are to fit down a hole. This could be a problem if your partner insists on half the bed for themselves.

2: Chain Yourself to Something. Just use whatever chains/ropes/handcuffs you already have handy in the bedroom, but preferably attach them to something OUTSIDE the bedroom.

3: Don't Sleep. This is a pretty obvious one, but let me spell it out for you; if you don't want to be sucked into a sinkhole in your sleep, don't sleep. Admittedly, this will not prevent you being sucked into a sinkhole fully conscious.

4: Helium Balloons. This is a bit fiddly, but pretty effective. Attach helium balloons to various bits of yourself - wrists, knees, ankles, neck, elbows - that way, even if the whole house sinks, you won't. I hear weightless sleeping is pretty good for the back too.

5: Sleep In a Different Place Every Night. The sinkhole can't get you if it can't find you.

6: Move to a Mine or a Cave. Presumably if you're already down a hole, you can't then fall down a hole.