6 THINGS RAPPERS ALWAYS SAY

This week, kiwi hip-hoppers Smashproof entered the charts at number 6 with their new single, "Paint Fade". As I'm sure you're aware, I am a MASSIVE fan of talking songs, especially the way they ALWAYS start with one of the following tried and true pearls of lyrical wisdom...

1: "Uh." It's difficult to know exactly what this means, although I don't doubt it's something incredibly deep, given almost every rap song ever starts this way. I really hope it's not just them clearing their throats with their mic accidentally on.

2: "Yeah." Hard to argue with someone who starts by agreeing with you.

3: "Come On." We owe these guys a tremendous debt of gratitude, for translating the immortal words of the late, great Michael Jackson. Till now, we thought he was saying, "Shum On." That'd just be stupid.

4: "Uh." Yes, I know they've already said this once, but something this profound can't be overstated.

5: Their Own Name. Nothing worse than not knowing who's talking their song at you. All musicians should introduce themselves before they start playing, it's just manners. Admittedly, if you've bought their album, you probably already had a sneaking suspicion who was performing, especially by about the 3rd track, but let's not get bogged down in details.

6: The Name of the Featured Guest Artist. I don't pretend to understand how it all works, but it seems pretty much any rap song that's ever been recorded isn't just by the act who recorded it. They always invite someone else to help. Isn't it nice the hip-hop community is so caring and sharing?