6 MORE THINGS THE CENSOR SHOULD BAN

This week New Zealand banned Elijah Wood's new horror movie, Maniac. Apparently it presents a genuine threat to public safety. I suspect they were just freaked out when they realised he was playing a serial killer instead of a hobbit. Anyway, it's good to ban things; it's exactly that kind of restriction of free speech we fought two world wars to protect. Or something. But why stop at art-house horror flicks?...

1: Any Mention of Royal Babies. I think we're all agreed we're thoroughly sick to death of this malarkey by now. This ban includes the words, "George," "shawl," and "Lindo Wing."

2: Soft Drink Commercials About the Perils of Drinking Soft Drinks. Come on Coke, seriously?

3: Cats. No, sorry, that should read, "Campaigns About Banning Cats." Who doesn't love cats? Weirdos.

4: Reality Television. This is actually an employment initiative. Let's give all those poor, out-of-work script writers something to do.

5: X-Factor Results. On screen, I mean. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer my results from the host first, in giant, flashing, high definition letters second.

6: Dumb and/or Pointless Blogs. Oh, hang on...