6 LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE LOUD NOISES

I may have mentioned this before, but because of my job, I have to get up at 3 o'clock. In the morning. (Yes, alright, I've mentioned it about 18,000 times) The challenge to getting up at 3 is trying to prevent anyone else in the house WAKING up at 3. Here's the noisy gauntlet I run each day...

1: Getting the Alarm Wrong. This is the worst possible scenario. If it doesn't go off, you're late and someone from work will probably text wondering where I am. That's never a quiet operation. I do have a backup alarm, but it's loud. My usual operation is a "Vibrate Only" option on my phone. This is subtle enough to ensure "minimal partner disturbance" but usually rouses me from my short slumber. Things turned dramatically sour recently when I was experimenting with a Samsung Galaxy S3... In my efforts to silence the phone, I accidentally enabled the speech notifications. This meant not only did loud, random music and sound effects play, but an English lady told me to wake up and go to work. Domestic Manager was not amused.

2: Dropping Things In the Bathroom. When you wake up in the middle of the night, fine motor skills take a while to kick in. This makes holding things like toothbrushes, razors and deodorant cans tricky. Lot's of hard surfaces. Great acoustics. Potential for disaster.

3: Forgetting Clothes. I usually hang my outfit on a hook on the bathroom door. If I forget to put my belt out, that's not a biggie. Undies on the other hand... that'll require some noisy rummaging in drawers. Heaven forbid I need to turn on a light. Better off just going commando.

4: Maroon Shoes. For some reason these squeak when I walk. Perhaps I should burn them.

5: Unforeseen Obstacles. I can't be expected to navigate my way through a darkened bedroom if people just go leaving slippers, ironing boards and paper shopping bags in my path. Honestly, some mornings it's like a blindfolded assault course.

6: Falling Down the Stairs. Damn our 3-storey house. So many steps. Such utter darkness. So much gravity. I just try not to groan too loudly when I land in the inevitable crumpled heap at the bottom.