6 OTHER THINGS THEY SHOULD HAVE IN SCHOOLS

Wow... how about that "Food in Schools" debate? Amazing how some people think by starving the children of neglectful parents, we're somehow teaching the neglectful parents a lesson. Anyway, I think feeding kids at school is a great idea, because I really hate cooking so now I won't have to do as much. Here are some more ideas that could save me some valuable time and money...

1: Smart Phones. Schools should be supplying these from Year 1. How else are they supposed to teach kids about cyber-bullying?

2: Samsung Galaxy Note 8.0's. Spare a thought for those poor kids who only have iPads. So bulky. So last month.

3: Cool Teachers. You know that young guy with the dreads who takes Media Studies and runs the surfing club? The one who gets all the kids to call him by his first name? We need more of him.

4: Ball Gowns and Limousines. If they want to run the pre and after parties, let 'em take care of the lot, I say.

5: Synthetic Marijuana. The important thing is we know where it comes from, right? Right?

6: Schools. This one is specifically for the Christchurch kids. It'd be nice if there was an actual school there when they got there. Or am I being too pie-in-the-sky?

6 ADVANTAGES OF HOLIDAYING IN SPACE

It was revealed this week New Zealanders have already spent over $2million booking seats with Virgin Galactic's trips to space. After initially poo-pooing the idea, I'm beginning to come round. Here's why...

1: All You Can Eat Buffet. Ever worried about holiday weight-gain? No such thing in an anti-gravity environment.

2: Your Flight Will Probably Leave On Time. It's actually rocket science.

3: Passenger Envy. You know the feeling of inadequacy you experience when you board a plane and have to shimmy past all those flash bastards in business class? No business class on "Spaceship Two". Or maybe at $230,000 a ticket, all 6 seats ARE business class.

4: No Loo Queue. Like I said, only 6 seats. To be perfectly honest, I think you probably just go in your suit. Luxury.

5: The Cocktails Are Out of This World. Admittedly, everything is. But still.

6: No Need To Be Bikini Fit. Nobody will be comparing bodies by the pool - there's no pool. Very difficult to keep the water in in zero gravity. Shame really, you can tan REALLY FAST in space.

6 TIMES YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE UP YOUR SEAT

This week, a Gold Elite flyer made headlines when she refused to give up her seat to another woman in a wheelchair. Contrary to popular belief, this is perfectly acceptable in certain circumstances...

1: If You've Already Started Watching a Movie. It's hard enough following a complicated plot with all those PA interruptions to your in-flight entertainment. The last thing you need is to have to fast-forward to where you got up to from a new seat.

2: If You Think They're Faking It. Forcing them to prove they really ARE disabled can be a bit embarrassing if they really ARE disabled, but sometimes you've just got to follow your instincts.

3: If They Look Like a Terrorist. How the hell did they get that "wheelchair" (ie: potential weapon of mass destruction) through the metal detectors anyway?

4: If Your New Seat Is Close To Children. Nobody should be forced to endure that kind of torture for any reason. Alternatively, I've actively sought out people with disabilities to swap seats with to get away from my OWN kids. Well worth the effort.

5: If You're Asleep. We all know it's virtually impossible to get any sleep on a plane. If, by some miracle, you HAVE actually managed to drop off, anyone who disturbs you should be fired immediately. Unless they're serving drinks.

6: If You're the Pilot. Very difficult to steer the plane from the back.

6 OTHER THINGS THEY SHOULD BRING BACK

This week McDonald's made a half hearted attempt to keep the Georgie Pie brand alive by announcing their plans to start serving a mince and cheese version at outlets in Auckland and Hamilton. This got me feeling nostalgic for a few other things too...

1: Europa Service Stations. I don't know if I ever stopped for petrol at one, but that 2 minute "Travelling On" TV commercial starring Midge Marsden was epic.

2: Fawlty Towers. Universally accepted as the funniest comedy of all time, 12 episodes was nowhere NEAR enough.

3: The Americas Cup. Admittedly they're not trying to bring this back from the past, just San Francisco, but still, it'd be nice to see it again.

4: 3 Weeks Annual Leave. When they changed it to 4 weeks I was already ON 4 weeks. Now I only get the same time off as everyone else. Completely unacceptable.

5: Summer. Remember that whole hot, no-rain thing that went on for ages a few weeks ago. That was really popular. (Except with farmers obviously) Can we have that again please?

6: Georgie Pie. Come on McD's! One overpriced pie in the most boring flavour on the menu? If you're going to bring them back, bring them ALL back. Especially the oh-so-exotic Mexican. Olé!