6 WAYS NATIONAL CAN SAVE ITS MARRIAGE WITH MAORI

The honeymoon seems well and truly over for National and the Maori Party. Like no-one saw that coming. But is this relationship a lost cause, or will John Key make an effort to smooth things over? If he does want to prolong the magic, here's a few pointers...

1: Try to notice the little things. If you think Pita Sharples has trimmed the facial hair recently, say so. Nobody ever complained about being over-complimented.

2: Stop putting the Maori Council and the Waitangi Tribunal down in public. Look, everyone has embarrassing relatives, but you don't have to make the Maori Party feel stink about theirs in front of everybody else.

3: Call for no reason. Just pick up the phone to say "hello", or "I love you". Or at least give the impression you remember who they are.

4: When you're behind closed doors and the lights go out, why not just make it about the cuddles for a change? Does it always have to end up in coalition talks and policy decisions? Can't you be content to just hold each other for a while?

5: See if you can get Bill English to pronounce the word, "Maori" correctly.

6: Whatever you do, don't try and smooth things over by sending flowers. They probably think they own those too.