6 OTHER PEOPLE WE'D BE HAPPY TO HOST

It's no surprise there's been a bit of talk C.I.A. whistle-blower Edward Snowden might like to hang out in New Zealand for a while, given the sweet time fellow fugitive Kim DotCom's been showing us all down here. You know; fireworks displays, celebrity interviews and all the movies we can watch. Apart from Snowden, who else should we be trying to lure to our safe shores?...

1: Bashar al-Assad. I'm sure Syria's a nice enough place, and Assad makes being in charge of it looks easy. Perhaps he needs a more challenging role, like president of United Future, for example.

2: A Selection of Turkish Demonstrators. Those guys really know how to protest. Music, yoga, tear gas - classic combo.

3: Nelson Mandela. I don't know about you, but if I had an entire country outside my hospital room waiting for me to die, I could probably do with a change of scenery. A bit of fresh air, maybe some bungy jumping and a tour of Hobbiton, I'm sure it'd do him the world of good.

4: Simon Cowell. For some reason all the reality shows that are awesome overseas suck when we do them. I believe Mr. Cowell can fix this. Oh, and we'd never waste perfectly good eggs by throwing them at you.

5: Elvis. We pretty much keep ourselves to ourselves down here. I'm sure we wouldn't feel the need to go running to the National Enquirer every time we see you in the supermarket.

6: Julia Gillard. Yes, you're wildly unpopular. Yes, you're Australian. Yes, you're a flaming ginga. Yes, you have ridiculously massive earlobes. Actually, no, on reflection we don't want you. You've got to draw the line somewhere.