6 THINGS I'D WANT FROM A CHARTER SCHOOL

I hated school. But now, as I understand it, we can choose one we like better than the one we'd usually go to around the corner. Although its teachers may not be qualified, if it offers some of this stuff, I'd be keen...

1: Wood Fired Pizzas at the Canteen. I think we've moved on from pies and lasagne toppers haven't we? Could we get a recommended wine choice in there too? Just to really civilise things.

2: No Detention. Surely there are better ways to discipline misguided students when they play silly pranks or make smart-arse remarks. Like just laughing it off for example.

3: Total Mr. Menzies Ban. Any school that refuses to hire Mr. Menzies has definitely got the right idea. Banning calculus altogether might be going too far, but I'd support that move also.

4: Sex. The stuff you ACTUALLY need to know. Things like; make sure you call her the next day. Always carry breath mints. Her orgasm is way more important than yours. That sort of thing.

5: Optional P.E. I understand there may be some kids out there who actually WANT to do P.E. I don't understand why, but I suppose they should be allowed to.

6: Jeans. If you're going to insist on a uniform, start with jeans. Given we'll spend the rest of our lives wearing them everywhere, why shouldn't we put them on for school?