6 POSSIBLE OUTCOMES TO THE AMERICA'S CUP

Just when you thought the yachting couldn't get any more complicated, Oracle gets caught cheating on a boat that doesn't actually have anything to do with anything and all hell breaks loose. Over the last few days I've heard a lot of people try to explain the implications of the fine, suspensions and match penalties, but none of them really sound like they know what they're talking about. Neither do I, but here's what I think's going to happen...

1: Team New Zealand Wins 9 Races in a Row and Everyone Can Go Home. I think we can all agree, this is the preferable option.

2: Oracle Wins 11 Races in a Row and Everyone Can Go Home. Not AS preferable, but still quite a good option. Especially if you're Larry Ellison.

3: But Wait... What if Oracle wins 9 races and Team New Zealand win 7? Because Oracle started on minus 2, that'll mean it's 7 all and we've sailed 16 races. Isn't supposed to be the best of 17? So will it be the first to 8 instead of the first to 9? How's that headache coming?

4: Team New Zealand is Caught Cheating Too. Will it then be the first to minus 9? Will they have to sail the course backwards to make it back into positives?

5: In an Effort to Calculate the Permutations, PJ Montgomery Accidentally Discovers the Origins of the Universe... and calculates pi to 17 thousand decimal places.

6: Everyone Finally Gets Fed Up With What a Farce the Whole Thing Has Become and Goes Home Without any Cups, Boats, Foils or Code Zeroes. Whatever they are.