6 WORDS OF ADVICE FOR PROSPECTIVE SUPER MAYORS

Being mayor must be a difficult job. But this week's revelations about both Len Brown and John Banks show the job is even more complicated and demanding than most of us first thought. Therefore, I've come up with some helpful pointers for anyone considering running for office next time round...

1: Get Your Money Right. Small numbers like 15,000 and 25,000 may seem insignificant, especially when you're talking about mere dollars. However, make the effort to take note of pittances like these and find out where they came from. Rules are rules.

2: Try Not to Have Sex with People You Aren't Married To. Look, I realise this can't be easy and if this week's talkback callers are to believed, none of us are perfect. In fact, I've heard the statement, "If they fired people for having affairs, we'd ALL be out of a job," made many times. I personally haven't managed to have an affair yet but I've only been married 17 years, so give me a chance.

3: Try Not to Have Sex with People You Aren't Married to Over a Period of 2 Years. "We all make mistakes." - that's another thing I've heard quite a bit on the talkback. Something that happens repeatedly for many months isn't a mistake. It's a routine.

4: Try Not to Have Sex with People You Aren't Married to at Work. Unless you're a hooker. But we're not talking about hookers. We're talking about mayors. Don't get confused.

5: Don't Slap Yourself in the Head. Actually, there's nothing wrong with slapping yourself in the head, just try not to do it in public, on national television. It makes you look... what's the word?... Insane?

6: Avoid People with Odd Names. Girls called Bevan and guys called DotCom are nothing but trouble. Stick to sensible names like Bill, Monica and Weiner.