Thursday 3 October 2013

6 OTHER THINGS THEY SHOULD BAN AT THE MOVIES

This week I was surprised to hear Hoyts announcing their new hard line on moviegoers using cellphones in their cinemas. I was surprised because I thought they were ALREADY banned. Here's some other stuff they should knock on the head while they're at it...


1: KFC. Yes, I was once at the movies when a couple brought in several BAGS of KFC and proceeded to scoff the lot during the film. This was annoying because a) the plastic bags were noisy, b) it stunk the whole place out and c) they didn't share any with me.

2: Pizza. My local cinema has a deal that allows you to have pizza delivered to your seat during the movie. Pizza also stinks, and having someone push their way along the row to hand it to you makes this the dumbest idea ever. Unless it's being handed to ME. Then it's genius.

3: Kids. I'm not a fan of these anywhere, let alone in my movie theatre. I once told a bunch of them to sit down and shut up or I'd rip their heads off and throw up down their necks. That seemed to do the trick. Really impressed my date too.



4: Sandra Bullock. Can't stand her. Well, she was good in 28 Days, but I suppose anyone can fluke it once in a while.






5: Fire Alarms. If there really IS a fire, and it really IS about to burn down the cinema I'm actually in, perhaps we could arrange a subdued soft flashing light over the exit doors so we can make our way quietly and calmly into the street. To evacuate the entire complex and delay the movie by an hour and a half while the fire department arrives and gives the all clear, all just because the popcorn machine has malfunctioned is not okay.

6: Romantic Comedies. These should all go straight to DVD. Big screens are strictly for car chases, explosions and space ships. Not deep and meaningful conversations in extreme close-up.

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