6 PLACES TO PUT THE BEAST OF BLENHEIM

When you work at a radio station that offers callers the chance to call in and express their views to the rest of the nation, you hear some interesting ideas. Some of these are genuine suggestions on what to do with the Beast of Blenheim - other than what they're ACTUALLY going to do with Stewart Wilson. (His middle name is Murray, in case you didn't know)

1: Send him to Belarus. This is quite an elegant kill-two-birds-with-one-stone solution. Punishes him and them. Perfect.

2: Strand him on White Island. This is a specific variation on a theme. Quite a lot of people seem to want to set up some kind of survival-of-the-fittest, each-beast-for-himself, isolated prison island where we just drop them off and leave them to their own devices - a bit like that big hole in the latest Batman movie, I suppose. Others just want to throw him into an active volcano.

3: Set him up in a state house in close proximity to nice, law abiding citizens in full view of a cycleway and a recreational lake where young women and children regularly exercise, swim and play. No, that's just ridiculous. They'd never do that.

4: Public Shunning. This is actually a real thing they've decided to do at one of the many meetings they've had about the Beast in Whanganui. It's one of the positives to come out of this situation for Whanganui - they've got the Beast, but at least they've had heaps of meetings. Nothing brings a community together like a good, old-fashioned witch-hunt.

5: Force him to attend all the meetings they're having about him. No, that's just cruel and unusual. Nobody deserves that.

6: Keep him in prison. Nice idea. If he shouldn't be released back into society, maybe we shouldn't release him back into society. I'm sure there's a reason this wouldn't work... just not sure what that reason is.