6 WAYS TO STOP TOILET VANDALISM

In an effort to combat vandalism, the Dux Live venue in Christchurch has introduced cameras in the urinal area of their men's toilets, even posting pictures of a couple of “offenders” on their Facebook page. This seems a bit extreme, given there are other ways of preventing this kind of antisocial behavior...

1: Little Guillotines. They'd be automatically triggered by the sound of spray can caps or marker pen lids being removed.

2: Pictures of People's Mums Waggling their Fingers at You. You just can't resist that kind of emotional blackmail.

3: Actual Mums Waggling their Fingers at You. Admittedly, this could have an uncomfortable effect on those with bashful bladders, but at least people would be more inclined to use the toilet brushes.

4: Asparagus Rolls. You know, served as a bar snack. Nobody wants to hang around in a bathroom with that pong in the air.

5: More Mirrors. Who wants to draw all over their own face?

6: Kim DotCom. This is actually part of a desperate effort on my part to include him in every Silly Six-Pack wherever possible. In this case, I'm using him to bring back the traditional concept of having to ask for a key for the loo if you want to use it. In these scenarios, the key is usually attached to something big and heavy to prevent theft. Thanks for your help, Kim.